Text conversation: Delilah: Why won’t you tell me the secret of your strength? Samson: Fine…it’s my hair. Delilah: He says it’s his hair. Can you guys shave it tonight? Delilah: Oops…meant to send that to someone else. Samson: No worries. ILY!
March 4, 2020
Eve’s search history: do snakes talk? weird fruit poisonous? how to know if you’re naked. best leaves for clothes. how painful is childbirth?
February 19, 2020
Me when I see “invite your friend to church.”
February 16, 2020
When you realize the Armor of God doesn’t have pants.
February 6, 2020
Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him… – Matthew 22:15
January 12, 2020
When the guitar solo goes too far.
January 7, 2020
Me calculating when my first cheat day will be.
January 3, 2020
Text: Herod: Did you find the baby yet? GPS: Rerouting.
December 23, 2019
Misheard Christmas lyrics: He’s making a list, of chicken and rice… Yet in thy dark streets China… Don we now our day of peril, fa la la la la… Joy to the world! The Lord has gum…
December 3, 2019
Thanksgiving Pie Chart
November 19, 2019
Jesus multiplying loaves of bread: This is how I roll.
November 15, 2019
How I feel when pastor asks a question from stage and I get it right
November 12, 2019
Me when someone grabs the donut I wanted.
November 7, 2019
Walking into church with an extra hour of sleep like…
November 3, 2019
How I watch commercials during scary movie season:
October 20, 2019
Before David cleared his search history: girl bathing on roof, Bathsheba, is Bathsheba single?, how to betray your friend
October 17, 2019
Disciples: We’re hungry. Jesus: (Copy loaves and fish)
October 12, 2019
What gives people feelings of power. Money. Status. Being the first one to clap when Pastor’s point was good.
October 8, 2019
Prophets. God: Hey, I need someone to go to Nineveh. Jonah, you down? Jonah left the conversation. God added Big Fish to the conversation.
September 19, 2019
Join us this week for Pumpkin Spice Communion!
September 16, 2019
When I’m most likely to get mad at fellow drivers. 35% On my way to work. 10% Heading to a restaurant. 100% Driving to church.
September 4, 2019
When a celebrity thanks God in their speech and you’re trying to figure out if they’re Christian.
August 19, 2019
There are three types of people in the world: 1. those who can count 2. those who can’t
August 16, 2019
Swear Jar. Not remembering that one guy’s name jar.
July 24, 2019
1 min: time it takes to make a new friend at church. 5 min: time it takes Pastor to finish praying. 2 hrs: time it takes to decide what to eat after church.
July 14, 2019
When you use “thus” in a prayer.
May 2, 2019
When a parent picks up their child from the nursery, the rest of the kids be like…
December 20, 2018
When you’re working on that new you but still love donuts.